Where Is the Love???

I cut my blog writing teeth on an article for a men’s website on a topic about relationships. I’m no expert; I’m simply a Black woman with a few years of experience of dating Black men under my belt. Experience is good enough to give an informed opinion on most topics these days. Sometimes facts can help drive a point home also. This article will be including both and hopefully between the two we can discover where the love has gone in Black relationships between men and women.

According to Blackdemographics.com, as of 2014 marriage amongst Blacks was at an all-time low, since marriage among Negroes started being recorded. They go on to state “Marriage has been a declining institution among all Americans and this decline is even more evident in the Black community. In 2014 only 29% of African Americans were married compared to 48% of all Americans. Half or 50% of African Americans have never been married compared to 33% of all Americans.” A few researchers correlate the decline in marriage beginning in the 1960s with the various social movements of the era such as Civil Rights and Women’s Liberation. There may be some truth in that. While Blacks made strides in some areas, they lost ground in others. Black men started being incarcerated at alarming rates. Others died or became severely damaged by a series of wars and still others became victims of heroin. Another nail in the coffin, was the American government forcing Black women to choose between food stamps and public assistance or having a strong male influence in the house in the 1970s. All this following hundreds of years of slavery in which families were systematically destroyed. The repercussions of this last point still linger over Black households to this day.


The Pew Research Center, a think tank in Washington D.C., has some alarming recent statistics about intermarriage amongst Blacks. According to them, Black men are marrying outside of their race, twice as frequently as their female counterparts. When it comes to the cyber lovin’, Black women and Asian men are the least likely to get responses to their profiles and messages. OkCupid.com conducted some research in this area and came to almost the same conclusion that Black men and women are the least sought after online, at least on theirs and similar sites.

Add into the mix the epidemic that is gay/down low brothas and the picture starts to become a bit clearer. Black Love is fighting an extremely difficult battle. If all of this weren’t bad enough, free milk is hurting the game too. What’s free milk you ask? You’ve heard of it at some point in your life: why would a man buy the cow when he gets the milk for free? When you are cooking meals, living in the same domicile, letting a man dip his cookies in yo’ free milk, and having babies for him, the incentive to do anything more is gone. I’m not judging anyone by any means because it was being in the above-mentioned scenario that made me tighten up and ask the title question.

Another dynamic of this would be these super sofT, extra fluffy, estrogen filled men and these super aggressive, brolic, mouthy women folk. The role reversal is so ridiculous these days, you almost can’t tell whom you’re walking behind in the street anymore. Men are being emasculated and Black women are proud to do everything without a man. I address this in another more light-hearted article, but the truth is, a lot of folks complain a great deal about these things in particular.

Some people will argue that marriage does not equal love and others will claim it’s not worth it. I disagree. Blacks are lagging in leaving legacies because we have children outside of marriage and leave them little to nothing. If done properly, marriage should foster a sense of security, grant tax cuts, and affordable insurance coverage in addition to telling the world and vowing to God that you will cherish, love, and honor the person that you are marrying.  If you meet someone that really stirs yo’ grits, why not commit to THAT person for life and make more brown babies? Do you really lose so much by marrying?


This article covered a VERY broad subject and yeah, some assumptions were made, and some conclusions were drawn. As a Black person, how many times have you had this same conversation, with the same facts? How many times have you wished you had a Huxtable or Dwayne/Whitley kind of love? It isn’t a myth or a Hollywood concoction. This was something that we did extremely right at one point and somewhere in the last 40 – 50 years we took a hard left. Really consider that.


Holla at me Melanated Beauties, where do you think the love is between the Black man and woman? Is marriage an antiquated institution?

Until next time,

Miss K

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